mary, mary...

this is probably the most angry song i have ever been a part of, maybe heard. but it gave me chills every time we played it because it was such a statement of freedom at the time (for my friend and the rest of us who were close to him at the time). it is about one of my best friend's relationships that went bad. it was really hard for me and my other friends to watch how this relationship was killing this person, whom we cared for so much, from the inside out. here it is

mary, mary

take your hand from this, bear.
take, that smile off your face.
burn all the letters i wrote,
pretend i didn't mean it anyway.

and i hate this cross that i bear,
to fall in love with you.
i'll still come crawling back,
no matter what you do to me.

this is goodbye.

and take all your pictures back.
take off that mask that you made,
to hide who you really are.
take, because it's all you did anyway.

this is goodbye.

and i'm not going to change who you really are,
i've tried too long to see straight through,
the calloused girl who cares for nothing,
except for keeping me close to you.
to take all the love that i gave,
i drove to far and it's all that i have.
you are the centerpiece,
that raped me of what dignity i had.

Signals...

another one from the brantley vault. if anybody wants to talk about how much they wished life would slow down, give me a call.

Signals

meet me on the other side,
where the sea won't fight the sand.
i can't see, i can't believe i can love you,
without holding your hand.
and all the time i walked alone,
they said you where right there.
but this is my cry of desperation,

as i'm falling through the air.

and all that you forgot here,
was this porcelain heart, that died
with apathy, deception, and running away.

she's cutting with the knife they call affection.
it's gentle but that doesn't ease the pain.
and i was dragged a thousand miles
to prove this bleeding's real, and it's alive.
oh and it's alive.

where are you running when there's
nowhere to go.
what are you looking for, did you think
that you'd find home?

and all that you forgot here was
this porcelain heart that died,
with apathy, deception, and running away.
and this burning red, this burning red
ignites the signals, in the sky
that take over my day, over my day.

and it pounds so hard
in the back of my chest.
and this is bleeding and it's
pouring from my side.
and i was dragged a thousand miles,
and i'd be dragged a thousand more
to feel you one more time, to feel you
one more time.

and all that you forgot here was
this porcelain heart
that died with apathy, deception, and running away.
and this burning red, this burning red
ignites the signals, in the sky
that take over my day, over my day.

Brantley...

i was going through my ipod the other day, on the way to florence, al, and decided to open up the nostalgia closet and listen to some of my old band's songs. kinda one of those times when you get clouds in your eyes thinking about how fast time moves on. i hate it. anyway, my friend Ryan Hurd is one of my favorite lyricists, and here is a sample of words to some of our old songs. in case you want to hear them, i think they may be on www.myspace.com/brantleymusic

Orphans

don't dim the lights too hard, because
we might ruin the mood. i think
the starving here are entertained
by the luxury of fools.

and, we'll sing a song and shake a hand
and laugh at what they say
i think we're all still feeling warm inside,
we're the devil of the day,

we're still the devil of the day.

let's cheer the orphans.
give them a smile for their pain.
let's just ignore them.
it's all the same, it's all the same.

God is a beggar,
and a woman with no name.
i'll take this prostitute for heaven,
this is a shame.

and what a worthless wretch,
too poor to raise her hands up high,
to a husband she doesn't love,
she wears a ring she doesn't recognize.

and i am the poorest,
and i am the pauper,
and it's just like breathing underwater.

we sing words like grace and awe
that we know nothing about,
and we say that this is beautiful,
but we're just putting it in the ground.
so look away, mother, look away,
'cause there's nothing to steal in hell.
look away, look away, mother, I,
have nothing to sell.

and i am the poorest,
and i am the pauper.
and it's just like breathing underwater.


Close Enough

beautiful,
she's a brilliant sky.
and i don't have the strength,
to break the silence in her eyes.

and i want it all.

i can't get close enough to you.
you're so far away,
you're still so far away.

i saw the boy you used to love.
did you look in his eyes,
like you look into mine?
'cause he's so cool,
and i'm so strange.
and there's nothing left to say,
'cause he already has,
he already has.

and i want it all.

i can't get close enough to you.
you're so far away,
you're still so far away.

and i want it all.

i have a dream...

that one day i will rise up and tell the goon who lives above me to stop playing rockband drums at 6 in the morning. i really don't think this kid sleeps. yesterday morning i woke up to go hunting at 4:30 and i could hear him talking and walking around. pretty ridiculous. and this morning he got to banging on the drums at 6:09. it is now 10:26 and i still hear them. i'm about half ticked off, half amazed. it doesn't sound like he's very good though. i mean i can tell he's gotten a little better since he got the game in february (yeah i realized what was going on real quick the first time he brought it home). but anyway, one day i'm going to march right up there and give him a piece of my mind...i hope.

S/T...

This Will Destroy You - S/T

you should buy this album

community...

for the past year or so, maybe more, the word community has been on my brain. maybe "idea of" is a better prefix. i just feel like, due to everything america has become (politically, economically, and otherwise), has made people have a strong desire for close knit community with fellow believers, and fellow citizens. i think maybe the ol' "american way" has come to bite us in the butt, in a way. our city planning with residential suburbian homes, complete with "privacy fenced" backyards, and places of work 15 miles (or about 3.30 cents depending on what you drive) away, have given us a sort of independence that satisfies one part of our hearts, yet leaves another depraved. advancements in technology have exponentially distanced us from our colleagues, neighbors, etc., but that's not really what i'm getting at. i feel like this call to community that has been pulling at us is from the deepest place in our hearts.

below i copied an excerpt from Lanctatius' Divine Institutiones to which i replied. this was a portion of a paper i wrote last may that i chose to cut from the final draft. basically, Lanctatius describes our being created in the image of God as the body of believers acting humanely towards one another in a community; the image of God is community. He further states that having community and treating each other humanely is an act of worship. i think that is the reason we long for it...

anyway, here it is.

LACTANTIUS
I have spoken about what is due to God; now I shall speak about what is due to other people, although what is due to people still equally relates to God, since humanity is the image of God (homo dei simulacrum est). The first duty of justice concerns God and binds us to him; the second concerns humanity. The name of the first is religion; the name of the second is mercy or humanity. Religion is a characteristic of the righteous and those who worship God…God made us naked and fragile in order to teach us wisdom. In particular he gave us this affection of piety in order that we might protect our fellow human beings, love them, cherish them, defend them against all dangers and give them help. The strongest bond that unites us is humanity. Anyone who breaks it is a criminal and a parricide. …The bond that unites our souls is therefore stronger than that which unites our bodies. So Lucretius does not err when he declares: Finally, we are all the offspring of heavenly seed. To everyone that same one is Father. …We must therefore show humanity if we want to deserve the name of human beings. And showing humanity means loving our fellow human beings because they are human beings, just as we are ourselves.

Lanctatius has a very interesting outlook on this concept of the image of God. He explains that humanity is the image of God, not just our appearance as individuals, but also our humanity all together. Lanctatius begins stating that, “Religion is a characteristic of the righteous and those who worship God…God made us naked and fragile in order to teach us wisdom. In particular, he gave us this affection of piety in order that we might protect our fellow human beings, love them, cherish them, and defend them against all dangers and give them help. The strongest bond which unites us is humanity.” This is a gorgeous statement because it brings all glory back to God. His statement about religion being a characteristic of those who worship God sets up his next depiction of God making us naked and fragile in order to teach us wisdom. Lanctatius is saying here that those who follow God and from whom worship overflows do so in the light of God. In other words, the sense of self-awareness (awareness of our own brokenness) that comes from an honest relationship with the Father humbles us, or, as Lanctatius puts it, makes us realize our nakedness and fragility. It is only in this state of humility that we are open to the wisdom found in God’s leading hand. From this gracefully bestowed wisdom, or Christian perspective, we yearn to, “protect our fellow human beings, love them, cherish them, defend them against all dangers and give them help,” not only as simple acts of stewardship towards our brethren, but more so as acts of worship to God. It is here that the fruits of the Spirit overflow from us to our brothers and sisters. Looking back at Genesis 1:26, the author quotes God as saying, “…let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." Lanctatius emphasizes the work of God in us, in particular the fruits of the Spirit, as what sets us above all other creatures of the earth and it is here that God’s “likeness,” is found. This is what Lanctatius defines as “humanity.” He states, “We must therefore show humanity if we want to deserve the name of human beings.” An interdependent cycle of God’s wisdom and glory is seen in the process, which seemingly encompasses much of the life of the Christian. Religion inevitably flows out from an inner relationship with God, which leads to worship, which leads to humility, which leads to stewardship, which allows the Spirit to work through us, which separates us from all other creatures and also completes our blessing of the ‘likeness,’ of God.

spring is springing...

go outside!


more on this later...

out of the silent planet...

decided to start putting some thoughts down. hope it will help me sort them out and make more sense of them. partly because i wish to know myself...partly because i wish to be known. that's the plan anyway.

i just finished reading the book from which this entry is named. i thought it was fitting for what i'm doing, as this blog could be seen as the equivalent to Ransom's space ship, and the internet as the "space" that C.S. Lewis so intricately describes. if you haven't read out of the silent planet, i suggest you do so. it is good if you are in the mood for fiction, but still want spiritual relevance in the text, as it is part of a more metaphorical work (the space trilogy); an older kin of sorts to the Narnia series, written for a more mature audience. Lewis's description of a world without sin is beautiful.

so anyway, i'll leave you with the lyrics to my favorite hymn, for which this blog is named.

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.